Just the thought of small talk congers up painful memories of stilted conversations that revolved around the weather and umpteen other dreadfully boring topics. While small talk is engaging in non-personal conversation that is casual, light and “safe” – meaning that the topics are of general interest and are not offensive – it doesn’t have to set off rounds of yawn-tag and constant clock watching.
Fortunately, the key to making good small talk is simple: be interested in other people.
Having a sincere interest in another is the best starting point when first engaging in conversation – it’s also the basis on which to build and maintain good relationships. We create better first impressions, increase our chances of being remembered, and make friends quicker when we’re focusing our attention on others rather than trying to get them to focus on us. Being interested in someone else involves asking them questions about themselves and actively listening to their answers.
Be a “big-listener” not a “small-talker.”
Generally, we all have visions of impressing others with our insights, philosophies, and sharp wit. We want to be the centre of attention by being the one answering questions, not the one asking them. The good “small-talker” knows, however, that her role is to be the listener not the talker.
So – how do you implement this one-easy-step-to-making-small-talk? Well…
Ask Questions
Begin small talk by asking the other person questions about himself – his opinions, work or activities. Keep your questions open-ended, as opposed to “yes/no” questions, listen to his responses and build the conversation on those. Asking open-ended questions creates a dialogue and helps you get to know the other person. Also, if you begin the conversation in a way that’s relevant to the situation in which you’re meeting, you’ll have a common starting point.
For example, if you first meet someone at business luncheon, you could ask: “Have you been to one of these events before?” If he says “yes,” then ask questions like: “When?” “Was there a guest speaker?” “What was the topic?” If he says “no,” ask questions such as: “How did you hear about this one?” “What do you think about the guest speaker?” Listen to his responses and build the conversation by balancing your questions with brief
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Laurie Wilhelm is the author of Express Yourself to Success. This website and eGuides are designed to help you achieve success faster by using strong verbal communications skills. Achieve your success by working with others using improved social and interpersonal skills, public speaking, networking, negotiation, and conflict resolution. Find out how you can boost your career by going to www.expressyourselftosuccess.com.
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