The scenario: a social event (anything from an industry function to your cousin Freida’s wedding). You’ve been in a room with at least a hundred other people for hours. You’ve been introduced to dozens of strangers, had conversations with a score of acquaintances, and are just sitting down to dinner with a table full of people you barely know. What you’re thinking right now is:
a. It’s great meeting all these new friends.
b. This is an incredible networking opportunity.
c. I’d rather be having root canal.
If your answer is C., chances are you’re part of the approximately 25% of the population who are introverts.
Generally speaking, extraverts (the other 75% of the population) thrive on social contact, enjoy group activities, and are energized by simply being around other people. Introverts thrive on quiet, focused activities, enjoy solitude, and can find being around others very draining.
For most introverts, social small talk is about as enjoyable as a nasty rash. But it’s one of the facts of life: unless you opt for living in a cave on a deserted island, you’re going to find yourself in situations where small talk is inevitable. Here are some ways to get through it.
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Remember that most people are extraverts … and what they really want is an opportunity to talk. So give it to them! Introverts are gifted with a unique social skill: the ability to listen. A conversation between two hard-core extraverts is more of a battle for airtime than an exchange of ideas. The skillful introvert quickly learns that if you’re willing to listen, you don’t have to talk.
The absolutely easiest way for an introvert to get through a social chat situation is to find an extravert and ask an even vaguely leading question (and don’t stress too much about that – in many cases, “Hey! How’s it going?” will do the trick). And then just let them roll.
Don’t feel pressured to share too much. Most introverts tend to feel stressed when people start talking about personal things, mainly because there’s a fear of being expected to reply in kind. Being compelled to talk about personal matters at all, let alone with strangers, is an introvert nightmare.
Forget it. In small talk situations, people tend to be a lot less interested in what you’re saying than what they’re going to say next. This is probably a pain for extraverts, but it’s an absolute godsend for introverts. If you’re pleasant, polite, and seem interested, the other party will never notice that you actually said very little.
Of course you run the risk of hearing all the details about their job, their kids, or their gall bladder surgery, but you’ll live through it. And it will get you through the event gracefully.
Keep Smiling. This is really important for a couple of reasons. One, you owe it to the other people at the event; even if you wish more than anything that you were home alone, standing around looking glum, dour, unhappy, unapproachable, or annoyed is just plain bad manners. Introversion is a personality trait, not a license for rudeness.
And two, you owe it to yourself. It’s been proven over and over again that if you smile you will feel happier.
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